Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Something you should hear

No matter how much you like them, no matter how awesome they are, bullying your way into their life will not make them like you. No matter how sweet they are, no matter how forgiving they are; just because they got tired of pushing you away does not mean they actually like you.

Pushing and asking and pulling and pleading constantly until they say "yes" is not consent; persistence is not a bloody virtue. The stalking and obsession you see in romances? Not cool. Real people don't actually like people centered around them; it's very creepy and unsettling and just go find a life of your own and become a human being in your own right.

It doesn't matter how many issues you have, or how miserable your life is; it is not their job to help you. They do not owe it to you, no matter if they "caused" the hurt or if they've helped you in the past, if you've "helped" them or not. They don't OWE you a bloody damn thing, and if you whine about it, that isn't going to make them WANT to help you. Accept that they're not your free therapist and move on- go write a blog, that's free too.

It is not your place to judge their life, their decisions, their schedule, their passion. It is not your place to decide they "should" like you, "should" help you, "should" give you what you want. If they don't want to have anything to do with you, just back off. Don't assume ulterior motives, don't come back an hour, a day, a week, or a month later; just back out of their life for good, and go find someone else.

If they tell you to stop, stop. If they tell you to get out of their life, get out of their life. If they tell you you're stepping over lines, step back (and don't do it again, for fuck's sake). If you feel they're being unreasonable, the answer is not to try and argue and browbeat them until they agree, the answer is to find a person to spend time with that isn't "unreasonable" (and this applies no matter if an outside observer thinks you're right or they're right- seriously, no good will come of it either way).

And don't expect brownie points for this shit either. This isn't "extra-hard bonus-worthy" behavior, it's a bloody part of being a DECENT HUMAN BEING. And it is NOT. THAT. HARD. So grow up already, please.

Disclaimer: Yes, I'm sure you all have at least some decency in you. Yes, I'm sure that if I ever get readers the vast majority of you won't need to read this. Yes, this should still be required reading for everyone, either so you can stop your "stomping on people's boundaries" behavior or you can recognize if someone in your life is stomping on yours.

1 comment:

  1. Being a decent human being is difficult for some people! Bullying is much more natural and easier to do.

    And there are ALWAYS ulterior motives. Especially in a romance.


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