Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Janurary 17th

was the day I shipped to Basic training, the official start to my Air Force career. I had been waiting 9 months to get to ship, 6 months past my graduation from high school and 6 months past my 18th birthday, but it's only been recently that I've truly felt like an adult. The Air Force has definitely changed my perspective and my life for the better. And because my Air Force anniversary is so close to New Year's, I figured I would transposition the reflective part of the holiday to the anniversary; after all, New Year's is a quirk of the calendar, which is rather mish-mash when you really think about it. But of course, I find myself writing this on the eve of New Year's, so I may as well post it now XD.

2012. 12 has always been my favourite number; it's the number of sections on a clock, it provides pleasing symmetry, and I just find it pretty. To throw numerology at it, 12 consists of 1 (essentially "masculine", aka forthwright, strong, uncompromising) and 2 (essentially "feminine", aka flexible, subtle, perceptive) combined, making it very balanced in nature. It also reduces to 3 (creative, lucky, witty), which happens to be what my birth date reduces to. To take in the full year, 2012, it reduces to 5 (dynamic, mercurial, independant). The funny thing is, those traits are what this year was based around, for me. Ain't numerology fun?

Before I joined the Air Force, I was a very sad little girl indeed. I had no life, no independence, no ambition and no pride in myself. I was depressed on a few different levels, which I didn't realize at the time because I thought it was normal, and I didn't have any opportunities to really experience Life. But then I shipped to Basic, which royally sucked (but I would still repeat Basic rather than go back to living with the rents), made me really face myself, and generally helped transform me into someone I like alot better. Then I lived out my version of "college crazy years" in tech school, which was basically my outlet for experimenting and doing a bit of finding myself, and then I came here to germany and have been working though an existinal crisis. Overall, I've done alot of searching and finding myself, and even though I'm not nearly done with this process, I've made alot of progress. I owe the Air Force alot, for giving me this chance to go and live life, giving me the means to be independent, and for being a support while I grow up.

As for the next year? 2013... I've never really thought much about the number 13, never bought into the superstition of bad luck, but numerology says it reduces to 4 (stability, prosaic, predictable), and the full year reduces to 6 (harmony, caring, idealistic). I guess I'll have to see if those themes carry on into the year, but for now, I do have certain things I'd like to accomplish (and despite my opinion of "dammit, anytime is a good time to make a resolution to fix the problems in your life", the new year does offer a good reminder to really take a look at your life in general).

First off, I really have been feeling a need to schedule my time, because it has a way of slipping by without me accomplishing anything. I've been feeling a ache to be useful and productive, and I know it's only going to happen with discipline, which I've never been good at summoning randomly. Of course, spontaneous things are going to come up, but having some sort of schedule should hopefully help keep me from feeling like I'm wasting all my free time. I don't have a concrete plan for arranging this, but I do have a couple ideas (setting aside certain days of the week for things like art, errands and cleaning, being social, volunteering, etc, rather than trying to schedule a little of each in every day; leaving me alot of wriggle room for spontaneous things, but giving me a setting I can fall back on).

I've been also noticing that I've mostly lost the introspective habit I picked up in Basic, and I'm missing it. I'm pretty sure I need to keep on being introspective if I'm going to keep being a person I like. Also, I've been having trouble trying to notice all the things that are influencing me and trying to pick out which thoughts are entirely me and which came from the influence of other things. Plan for this: got myself a little daily planner booklet, and every day I'll record a list of variables (moon phase, weather, day-to-day circumstances, overall mood), then at the end of every month I'll see if any general trends develop.

Other than that? Get myself to get out and have adventures, instead of sticking to what's comfortable!

2012, you were a good year. You granted me change, independence, joy, epiphamies, love, a little bit of wisdom and a hell of a good time. I'll miss you. 2013, you ready to step in zie's shoes?

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